On Saturday, November 18th, live from the Arco Arena in Sacramento, California, the UFC returns to pay-per-view with UFC 65: Bad Intentions.  Following Anderson Silva’s KO over Rich Franklin, fight fans are wondering if more titles will be changing hands or, more accurately, waists.   

Matt Hughes vs. Georges St. Pierre

Imagine you’re fighting a guy you’ve already beaten once.  You beat him before quite easily and, this time, you’re in the process of beating the piss out of him again.  But then, in the process of kicking this persons’ ass for the second time, you twist kind of funny and mess up your ribs so bad you can hardly move or breathe.  Because of this, you end up losing the fight.  Now, let’s say that this person – who you beat the piss out of once, and would’ve in all likelihood beaten the piss out of again if you hadn’t gotten injured – let’s say that this person is now going to fight someone who beat the piss out of you – fair and square – on a day when you were healthy and without any injuries at all.  This person was able to tackle you again and again and hold you down like a prison molestation victim, while the guy you beat the piss out of nearly twice wasn’t even able to take you down once, or hold you down at all until your ribs blew out like a pair of second-rate tires.  What do you think would happen?  My guess: George St. Pierre wins by submission and goes on to beat (in this order) Matt Serra, Diego Sanchez and BJ Penn (for a second time) by decision.

Tim Sylvia vs. Jeff Monson

I know exactly why I don’t like Tim Sylvia, and it can be summarized beautifully with a reference to a certain episode of Seinfeld.  It’s the one where Kramer joins a karate class and beats up all the kids who are in the class with him.  His excuse “we’re all the same skill level Jerry”!  Indeed.  But what sickens me about the situation is this: size matters and a man should take no joy in the fact he can beat up on people who are considerably smaller than him.   Sylvia is 265lbs, yet the UFC constantly gives him opponents who are thirty or more pounds lighter like Assuerio Silva, Tra Telligman and Andrei Arlovski.  Imagine fighting someone who you outweigh by forty pounds.  Would you take any joy in beating them?   I certainly wouldn’t.  But Sylvia seems to relish in his lop-sided fortune, wearing his belt everywhere he goes and screaming with joy whenever he is able to (sometimes barely) beat another smaller opponent.  This gives him a sickening “school-yard bully” quality.  Realistically, the UFC should have a weight category covering the 200lb to 235lb class, and another for super-heavyweight freaks.  Can Monson overcome the size disparity and take out “The Maine-iac”?  I hope so and, by God, I think so.   If “The Snowman” gets past Sylvia’s jab, he could very well finish the fight in the first round.    Monson wins by submission.

Brandon Vera vs. Frank Mir

Frank Mir looked awful in his last fight.  Wait.  I know what you’re thinking: what if the OLD Frank Mir shows up?  The one who beat Sylvia and KO’d Wes Sims?  Well, allow me to go on another tirade.  First of all, this whole concept of an “old” version of a fighter suddenly showing up is horse-crap.   Everyone keeps saying it about Belfort and, unless I am violently mistaken, the old Belfort has yet to make an appearance.  Why?  Because Belfort broke both his hands in his fight with Sakuraba and then went quite promptly crazy.  To suggest that he might return to his former form is as ridiculous as thinking your dead dog Rex might spring up out of the ground and begin fetching the newspaper for you again.   Similarly, Frank Mir had a very, very severe motorcycle accident.  They nearly had to take his leg off for crying out loud.  He is not going to come into the octagon with chiseled abs and the cardio of a lion.  In fact, I would argue that even if the OLD Mir does miraculously show up, the NEW Vera would still put such a beating on him, Mir’s tattoos would spontaneously re-arrange into messages calling for medical assistance.  Vera by TKO. 

Alessio Sakara vs. Drew McFedries

On the UFC website, McFedries says this of Sakara; “He’s a great boxer with a defensive ground game and no wrestling”.  While some of you might think that is a fair evaluation, I look at it as a nearly-suicidal under-estimation of Sakara’s skills.  Before Ron Faircloth kicked Sakara in the olives, he was totally unable to take him down.  People are still queasy from seeing the mauling Sakara put on Sinosic.  Afterwards, it looked like the Australian had tied pork chops to his face and stuck his head in a bear den.   Sure, Lister was able to catch him in a triangle, but he pulled guard to do it.  So, with a record of 4-1, can McFedries handle “Legionarius”?  My guess: Not on your f*cking life.  Sakara by TKO round 2.

Joe Stevenson vs. Dokonjonosuke Mishima

Stevenson’s fight with Yves Edwards was one of the most bloody and sickening things I have ever seen.  Watching it filled me with a vague sense of self-loathing like I was watching a snuff film or something else so vile that only a truly depraved person could find it entertaining.   I am still amazed they allowed the fight to continue as long as it did.  By the end, it looked like two naked men fighting in a large pool of tomato soup.  Speaking of long, what’s with Mishima’s first name?  I can’t wait to hear Bruce Buffer try to wrap his pipes around that obstacle course of syllables.  Can Stevenson beat him?  I think so.  Edwards was able to do it in Pride, and we all saw what Stevenson did to him.  My guess: Stevenson by decision.

Nick Diaz vs. Gleison Tibau

Diaz is crazy and I don’t mean that in the “ha ha, he’s crazy” kind of way that you use to describe your friend Crazy Jimmy who’s always getting drunk and falling asleep while driving his ride-on lawnmower.  No, I mean Diaz is truly unstable.  Apparently after he fought Joe Riggs, they saw each other at the hospital and Diaz threw his shoe at Riggs.  Who throws a shoe?  I’ll tell you who: a crazy person.   Who is Gleison Tibau?  I don’t know, but according to his record he’s fought someone named “Anaconda Anaconda”.  My guess: Diaz by TKO.

Antoni Hardonk vs. Sherman Pendergarst

Hardonk is a kickboxer from Holland.  Pendergast is a wrestler.  Can Hardonk handle losing to someone named “Sherman”?  I hope so, because I’m guessing Pendergast will win this one by decision.

Jake O’Brien vs. Josh Shockman

Depending on who you want to believe, Shockman has either one fight, two fights or seven fights.  O’Brien is coming off a win over Krystof Midoux, and will likely add to his lucky charms here with another unanimous decision.

James Irvin vs. Hector Ramirez

I met Irvin at one of the UFCs and, let me tell you; the dude is huge.   It was right after he KO’d Terry Martin and I remember asking him “Dude, did you kill that guy?” and his answer, with a stone-cold straight face was “I don’t know”.  I swear I nearly wet my pants.   Ramirez is a wrestler, so obviously the UFC is hoping Irvin will pull off the “flying horseman of the apocalypse” treatment again.  I think he will.  Irvin by KO.