Have you ever had Déjà vu?  Have you ever had Déjà vu?  Have you ever had Déjà vu?  If not, get ready for it this Saturday as Zuffa presents UFC 61 – Déjà vu!  (AKA Bitter Rivals).  We’ve seen mis-matches (Hughes vs. Gracie) and re-matches (Sylvia vs. Arlovski II) but this will be the first time Zuffa will sell fans a re-match of a mis-match (Ortiz vs. Shamrock) and a re-match of a re-match (Sylvia vs. Arlovski III).  Am I complaining?  Not really.  Then again, I’m still riding high off seeing Anderson Silva KO Chris Leben.

Tim Sylvia vs. Andrei Arlovski III (UFC Heavyweight Title Bout)

The first time these two guys fought, it looked like the time the local school yard bully made the mistake of picking on the new kid who’d just emigrated from a country in Eastern Europe where human life is meaningless and kids kill each another for old loaves of bread.  The second time around, Arlovski ate a speed-turnip and chose to ride out the ruble-storm by burying his head in the mat like some giant hairy man-ostrich.  This time?  Sylvia is reeking of over-confidence, and Arlovski is exuding the cold demeanor of a man who is just about to kill his children for spilling a bucket of paint on his collection of Penthouse magazines.  My bet: Arlovski wins by TKO and Sylvia whines like the Napa valley.

Tito Ortiz vs. Ken Shamrock II (Grudge Match)

Anyone who’s seen even one episode of TUF3 wants to see Shamrock get the beating he so richly deserves and there’s no reason why this fight shouldn’t go down the same rough road as their first match.  In fact, it’s likely that Shamrock will get beat even worse this time since, from the looks of TUF3, he hasn’t even figured out how to properly train for an MMA fight (unless skipping class, golfing, starting unprovoked shoving matches, watching videos, eating birthday cake and then injuring each other in full power slug-fests is “proper training”).   He might be the ’worlds’ most dangerous man’ but the only person in danger is him.  Ortiz will beat the lucky charms out of Ken and win an ultra-unanimous decision. 

Dan Christison vs. Frank Mir

Frank Mir’s comeback did not go well, to put it mildly.  To put it not-as mildly, the fight looked like something you’d witness with wide, horrified eyes in a prison shower, and spend the rest of your life trying to forget.  Afterwards Mir looked like he’d been in some terrible horse-and-carriage accident where a team of Clydesdales had trampled him.  Now he faces Christison, who has the body of a sasquatch and the cardio of a wild dog.  Since Mir has the gas tank of a moped and the body of a hummer, he’ll have to end this fight quick to avoid a long, cruel beating.  Can he do it?  My heart says yes, but my head says no.  I’ll go with my heart for a change and say Mir by sub.

Josh Burkman vs. Josh Neer

It’s time to decide, once and for all, who is the real Josh.  Burkman choked out Drew Fickett who choked Neer.  Does choke-out math apply?   It might.  Then again, Neer didn’t get the nickname “the dentist” because he won a speed-flossing contest.  It might be indigestion, but there is a tiny nagging feeling within me that says Burkman is going to take a beating, but win by submission.

Yves Edwards vs. Joe Stevenson

Both these guys were the sh*t but then some sh*t happened and now they’re trying to get their sh*t back together.  Edwards took a knee to the soul from Hominick, and Stevenson got a root-canal at the hands of “the dentist”.  Also, I keep thinking Stevenson’s nickname is “the toad”.  It doesn’t matter.  Yves has made a career out of KO’ing guys like Stevenson and will do it again.

Hermes Franca vs. Joe Jordan

According to the most recent statistics, somebody somewhere in the world gets KO’d every eight seconds.  Curiously, Franca and Jordan are responsible for the majority of those.  Take a look at their records however, and you’ll quickly notice who’s been fighting the gangstas and who’s been fighting the wankstas.  Jordan has seen more tomato cans in the last couple of years than Heinz and Chef Boyardee combined.  Now he’s stepping into the octagon with a legit top-10 lightweight, which is a big step from fighting bums in Burger King parking lots for old cigarette butts.  My pick?  Franca; likely by KO or submission.

Drew Fickett vs. Kurt Pellegrino

I am certain that Fickett reads my predictions and then does the opposite of whatever I say will happen.  Whenever I expect him to lose, he wins and whenever I expect him to win, he loses.  Now he steps into the cage to face Pellegrino, who is like some terrible combination of Marilyn Manson and Matt Hughes.  Will he win?  Yes!  (Now I play the waiting game).

Jeff Monson vs. Anthony Perosh

Perosh is an Australian submission wrestling champion so he should feel right at home in this fight since he will spend most of it ’down under’ Monson, who is a world submission wrestling champion with more grappling titles than mismatched tattoos.  If I’m not mistaken, Perosh is a training partner of Elvis Sinosic and goes by the nickname “Hippo”.  Monson is known as “the white rhino”.  Can a rhino beat a hippo?  In this instance, yes.  Monson wins by submission.

Cheick Kongo vs. Gilbert Aldana

Kongo is from France, but somehow I can’t imagine him sitting at a roadside café, wearing a beret and smoking while enjoying a plate of fine cheese and four quarts of wine.   That being said, I can imagine him pulling Aldana’s heart out Indiana-jones-style and then tearing it into pieces, while laughing maniacally as a stunned, pale-faced Dana White looks on with horror.  Aldana could win this fight but somehow I’m thinking Kongo will walk away with a savage KO.

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