It’s no mystery why Zuffa is bringing Royce Gracie back to the UFC.  They know, just like we know, that there are a million dudes hanging around in weight rooms around the world, who speak of him at length with brotherly affection - while pronouncing his first name with a hard “R”.  These are the “old school” fans who have not watched a UFC since they brought in the rules preventing testicle-punching.  Now Zuffa hopes to win back the people that used to show up at the early UFCs with “Just Bleed” painted on their chest. 

Matt Hughes vs. Royce Gracie
This is one of those fights that everyone is looking forward to with excitement but everyone will look back upon with disgust.   Can Royce take Hughes down?  Sure; assuming Hughes is drunk, blindfolded and just stepping out of the shower while wearing roller skates.  Otherwise it won’t happen.   Can Hughes take down Royce?  Do I love chicken-wings?  Yes and yes - but Hughes will keep the fight standing so he can “show off” his striking skills.  I’m not sure how wildly effective that will be, considering Hughes has the wingspan of a penguin.  So, if Royce can’t take him down and Hughes can’t knock Royce out, what do we get?  The biggest disappointment since the time that hot chick told you that she wanted to “show you her bedroom” and then all she did was show you her bedroom.  Damn interior designers.  Hughes wins a unanimous decision and, by no coincidence, fans make a unanimous decision to never order a UFC again.

Brandon Vera vs. Ausserio Silva
Brandon Vera wins the award for “most entertaining knock out of Justin Eilers”.  Considering the efforts of Paul Buentello and Andre Arlovski, that’s not an easy trophy to win.   Ausserio Silva gets the trophy for “two worst consecutive decisions” for agreeing to fight Tim Sylvia despite a 40-pound weight disadvantage and then leaping to guard and clinging to him like a scared baby kangaroo trying to crawl into its’ mothers pouch.  What happens here?   “The Truth” hurts.  Vera wins and makes the wild, yet totally accurate claim that he should be next in line for a title shot vs. the winner of Babalu/Liddell 2.

Diego Sanchez vs. John Alessio
This fight was supposed to happen at UFC 58, but then Diego got into a batch of rancid tacos and the doctors said he was too “loco” to fight.  Now after the after numerous salsa-infusions, “Dirty” Sanchez returns to the octagon and, probably, to his strategy of flying across the cage at his opponent like a ten-piece mariachi band thrown from a passing freight train.  Can the Americanadian stop “Speedy Gonzalez”?  No.  Sanchez will take him down and sombrero-dance all over his face.

Mike Swick vs. Joe Riggs
Swick ends fights faster than a single mom with a hot date waiting in the driveway reads a bed-time story to her kids.  Will this fight be “quick”?  Unlikely.  Chris Leben knocked Swick into next Tuesday (he should’ve brought back the winning lotto numbers) and Riggs is only separated from Leben by a few genes (namely the ones causing binge drinking and uncontrollable weeping).  The price of gas might be crazy right now, but “Diesel” probably has enough in his tank to win.

Alessio Sakara vs. Dean Lister
I never saw the fight between Alessio Sakara and Elvis Sinosic, but every picture I saw showed Sakara landing a hard punch on Sinosic’s jaw, and there were a lot of pictures.  Afterwards, Sinosic looked like he’d been mauled by a bear.  Will this happen to Lister or can he take Sakara to the ground, where boxing works about as well as wearing swim fins while running the hundred-meter hurdles.  My guess: Sakara will fly home with a detached leg in the overhead compartment.

Spencer Fisher vs. Matt Wiman
Fisher had to cut fifteen pounds in two days for his last fight and then he lost a decision.  Now the UFC is ’apologizing’ by giving him a fighter who deserves a UFC shot about as much as Keanu Reeves deserves an Oscar for ’most uses of the word “whoa” in a single film’.  Fisher by KO.

Melvin Guillard vs. Rick Davis
Guillard reminds me a lot of Kevin Randleman.  Is that a compliment?  You decide.  Davis will win by submission.

Gabriel Gonzaga vs. Fabiano Scherner
These guys are both jiu jitsu champs, but I’ll bet you my Star Trek commemorative plate collection that by the second round, this fight will descend into a stumbling travesty reminiscent of two breathless senior citizens fighting over the oxygen mask.  Why?  Because whenever two champs in the same style fight, they invariably shut each other down in their areas of expertise and it ends up looking like two furious children slugging it out behind the elementary school for supremacy of the tire-swing.  If you loved seeing Gonzaga vs. Kevin Jordan at UFC 55, you’ll love this.  Gonzaga by TKO.

Jeremy Horn vs. Chael Sonnen
Horn has already beaten Sonnen twice.  Now they are fighting for a third time.  Why?  Answer: the UFC wants Horn to win.  Why?  Answer: They love him.  Why?  Answer: boyish smile.  Horn will win and fight the winner of Vera/Silva in July.