Episode 5 started off with a little lesson in teacher-student relations, starring lovable coach Tony Desouza and that wise-cracking Noah Thomas. Turns out Noah is a bit of a joker around the gym, and his lack of respect is pissing Desouza off. So what is the Peruvian to do but challenge Noah to an impromptu submission grappling competition. Only this grappling match doesn’t end when you tap out. Unfortunately for Noah he had to find this out the hard way. Noah takes his lickin’ and fumes off, kicking the bag really hard to vent his frustrations. Back to business as usual, Team Penn gets a sneaking suspicion that Ruediger will be the next person picked to fight. The one problem here is that Gabe is walking around close to 176lbs. This doesn’t seem to stop Gabe from eating a “small” piece of ice cream cake, or cookies, or cereal, according to Matt Wiman.

The next day at the fight announcement, Penn’s intuition proves to rival that of the Hardy Boys and Pulver picks Ruediger to fight. The big surprise (which was pretty obvious if you watched last week’s preview) is that Gabe will be fighting Big Corey Hill. Gabe stands up on a stool for the stare down amidst harsh words from Team Pulver. On the van ride back Godzilla’s team mates ask what the game plan is. Gabe starts waxing intellectual about leg kicking and superman punching, but then Gray Maynard brings up the real issue: How will Gabe make weight? Gabe’s idea is to sleep and eat a little spinach. I’m not saying that it’s a good idea, but it sounds a lot more fun than getting a tube shoved up your ass. When the guys get back to the house, Gabe imparts us with some of his Zen-like philosophy. His main topics are self motivation, the “warrior” class that walks among us unbeknownst, and….yeah I stopped paying attention after that. The one thing that Gabe should be doing is sweating out the weight.

Meanwhile, Corey is actually training hard and making the cut look easy. He sits in the sauna, runs on the treadmill, and basically sweats it all out. He remarks that cutting weight is “just part of the job,” and anyone who signs up to be in the house should be prepared to do just that. Despite having a lot of experience in MMA (and subsequently the process of cutting weight), Gabe Ruediger didn’t get that memo. The next forty minutes basically documents Gabe’s experience in trying to cut 20 lbs in 24 hours. While wearing what I affectionately call “the baked potato suit,” Gabe sweats down to 169.25. The next morning he shows up at 163, so far, so good. Or maybe not? Gray points out that Godzilla looks somewhat sluggish on the treadmill, walking instead of jogging. Two hours until the weigh-ins and Gabe is 162. In the sauna he goes, and Emerson decides to hop in with him, just in case Gabe can’t make weight.

What happens next has been pretty well documented on every MMA site and countless forums. Although many words have been used to describe Gabe’s actions, I think I’m gonna go with BJ Penn on this one: Gabe gave up. Simply put, Gabe didn’t have the heart to gut it out and lose the rest of the weight. I’ve seen him fight in WEC many times, and his heart is never an attribute that I’ve had to question before. After seeing this episode, I honestly don’t know what to say. For many viewers, watching Godzilla break down and ultimately fail to make weight was probably a happy moment. For me? Well for me it was painful knowing that a lot of fighters would have cut off their left nut to be in Gabe’s place on that show. For Gabe to eat like that and then not make weight baffles me. BJ thinks that Gabe had some ulterior motive all along, possibly wanting to cause some drama and do the show without fighting. That certainly is a valid point, but why the hell would you want to do that? Pulver thinks it was to get some new sponsors, namely “Burger Boy,” or “Donut World.”

During the commercial break another “E-surance” commercial comes on, and someone at my apartment comments on how they would like to “[expletive deleted] that hot E-surance chick.” For some reason she garners the same fascination as fellow animated vixen Ariel from “The Little Mermaid.” (Thankfully) This column isn’t about animated cleavage, so back to the show. Corey is sitting around the gym at a lean and ready 156, ready for the weigh in. With about ten minutes until show time, Dana White shows up and tells everyone to go home. On the way back Team Pulver passes an ambulance leaving the house. They speculate that Gabe was probably in the back. Unfortunately, they were right. Gabe dehydrated himself so much during the process that he had to get an IV to revitalize himself. With just about the entire house talking smack, Gabe arrives home from the hospital. Gabe gets treated like the fat kid in 3rd grade. He is humiliated and berated, with someone even telling him to go on Celebrity Fit Club. Andy Wang tried to play peacemaker and calm things down, but certain members of the house give no quarter to Godzilla.

One thing that was pretty cool of Gabe was apologizing to Corey. Mr. Hill of course accepts, commenting that Gabe’s personal demons are much worse punishment than the verbal lashing he received at the house. That’s not the only thing Gabe’s got to deal with, as the next morning everyone heads to the gym for a meeting with good ole’ Dana White. Turns out there’s only one thing Dana hates more than training for a fight that never happens: fighters that can’t make weight. Gabe is once again belittled in front of his peers as Dana kicks him out of the house and completely off the show. Gabe responds in his candid interview, “this is more than a sport to me, this is my life,” as he sheds tears of angst and sorrow. Funny, never before have I seen someone commit suicide by eating cookies and ice cream cake. For Gabe’s mistake, Dana vents his rage by penalizing Team Penn. Jens Pulver is allowed to pick the next two match-ups. The other big surprise is that Rob Emerson is coming back to take Gabe’s place, granting him another chance to prove himself in the cage.
 
Cut forward a week and here we are face to face with two back to back fights. First up we’ve got Joe “J-Lau” Lauzon vs. Brian Geraghty, followed by Rob Emerson vs. Corey Hill. Not too bad for free television, huh? Moving along, we immediately get thrown into the middle of training. As Lauzon trains for his fight, BJ remarks that Joe looks “creepy.” I dunno about creepy, but he definitely has the intense look that screams “I’m this close to kicking your head off right now.” Joe is one of the younger competitors on the show, at only 22 years of age. He is also the only competitor with a UFC win on his record, and a commendable one at that. Joe of course beat Jens Pulver, by knocking him out with a right knee and a left hook combination. He comments that while some call it a fluke, he just calls it “preparation.” Geraghty is also preparing hard, getting ready to avenge Pulver’s loss to Lauzon. Brian is older at 26, and has a bit more experience as well. He is also a self admitted trouble maker who decided to start fighting as an outlet for his aggression. He hopes that Lauzon will tire himself out with the opening flurry so he can then take control and win. Brian jokes that Lauzon better pack a fresh pair of shorts, because he’s going to be shitting them come fight time.
The fight starts with a wake up call and holy crap! I think Brian is the one shitting himself after a big slam takedown from Lauzon. J-Lau starts some harsh ground and pound from inside the guard, highlighted with a big left hook and a diving right elbow. Lauzon postures up for another big elbow and Geraghty scrambles to the side to avoid it. He manages to regain his footing, but J-Lau is all over him. Joe jumps on his back and secures the rear choke, using his feet to push off the cage and drive his weight into his opponent. They roll to the floor and Joe manages to get the tapout after 1:12 without having his hooks in. Brian is very disappointed, saying that he basically got embarrassed. Lauzon on the other hand is super stoked, having just won $5000 and the first win for Team Penn.
Moving along, Emerson is really excited about fighting Corey. Emerson should be technically superior to Corey on every level, so in theory he should be an easier fight than Nate. No amount of technique is going to give you an advantage over a 6’4” 155-lber, and deep down Emerson is probably a little worried about the massive size advantage. Thankfully Emerson has long arms, and is only subject to a 5” reach disadvantage. It’s a beautiful day in the suburbs of Vegas, and Jens and Corey go for a walk (they’re allowed to do that now?). Jens finds out that Corey only has two fights under his belt. Both were amateur fights, and suddenly it becomes very apparent why Corey has been working his ass off during training. Later on the guys make weight, and Emerson is the next cheeky bastard to sport a thong to the weigh-ins. “Don’t look at it, Corey,” can be heard in the background. Unfortunately I wasn’t warned, and Jesus Christ on a skewer it was a zip-up. That’s just nasty. Why would you even bring that to a house full of dudes?

Finally we get to the fight, and round one starts with a bang. Corey opens up with a barrage of punches, connecting with a grazing knee before Emerson shoots for a takedown. Corey manages to reverse and whizzer out, putting the fighters back on their feet. In the first few minutes of round one Emerson had problems adjusting to Corey’s range. Corey worked for the jab, and connected with a few good right hand counters. Emerson charged forward with punches, occasionally connecting. Around half way in Emerson managed to land a few good punches, and Corey attempted a takedown. Emerson’s takedown defense was once again sound, and Corey resumed the fight on the feet. Emerson landed a good straight left that knocked Corey’s head back, but he was largely unfazed. Strangely, Corey didn’t throw one kick or knee after the first flurry. Maybe he was worried about getting taken down, but honestly with a body that lanky he should be throwing kicks and knees all day.

Round two begins with a little feeling out before Emerson turns on the heat. Emerson looks like a completely different fighter in round two, throwing one or two punches then jumping into a hard low kick to punctuate the combination. Corey doesn’t seem to have an answer, and sticks to snapping his jab out. With 30 seconds left Emerson lands some hard right leg kicks, but slips down to his guard after eating a shot while off balance. He manages to scramble for a heel hook attempt, and looks to have it locked in. Corey staves it off for ten seconds and we’re probably off to a third round. Sure enough we’re headed to “Sudden Victory,” and the pressure is really on now. Both fighters look fatigued, and are a little hesitant to engage at first. Corey strikes first with his snappy jab, and keeps it going consistently throughout the round. Emerson keeps the counters going, and this is where he may have been at fault. Emerson lands some great low kicks throughout the round, occasionally connecting with straight punches upstairs. Corey just keeps snapping out that jab, and when the range permits loops in the occasional hook or uppercut. Honestly, this round was really close, almost too close to call.

When the judges have turned in their cards it is announced that Corey Hill is the victor. As stated before, Emerson was comfortable countering instead of pressing, and this was what probably sealed his fate with the judges. Corey is elated backstage and admits to Pulver that his fight with Emerson is actually his first MMA fight, which is all the more impressive considering Emerson’s talent and experience. Emerson on the other hand feels he was robbed, and justly so in my opinion. You definitely could have scored the fight for him, and ultimately it just depends on how heavily leg kicks factor into your judging style. Dana and the UFC brass will most likely bring Emerson back anyway, as he is a warrior with well rounded skills and an exciting style. It will be interesting to see how Corey’s inexperience will hold up in the second round of the show. Next week we’ve got a little more drama to look forward to, as BJ is going to be kicking another trouble maker off his team. To find our more we’ll have to wait until next week, and the next episode of…THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER!!!