Not long ago, Joe Doerksen was in Vancouver to do a seminar at a local jiu-jitsu club and continue the rich tradition of sleeping on my couch.  It was a typical night with Joe.   We were watching old fight tapes and drinking Captain Morgan’s spiced rum (with Pepsi) from UFC coffee mugs (available in the mmaringreport pro shop).   Also, for some reason, he was wearing my bike helmet. Curiously, while we were conducting this interview, Joe’s truck was being towed from the building’s parking lot.  Later, the fellow responsible for this would approach my girlfriend in the lobby of our building and tell her that he “kicks people’s asses” because he is a “UFC fighter”.    Hearing this, she asked him if he would like to come up and meet the owner of the truck he’d just towed - who happened to be a four-time UFC veteran and, furthermore, was as drunk as all hell.  Strangely, he declined the invitation. Such were the circumstances of my interview with Joe Doerksen...Read on...

JM: Alright!  I’m here with trained MMA fighter Joe Doerksen.  Joe what is going on?

JD: I’m watching some old fights that my buddies did in some very small place somewhere.

JM: Ah yes.  What were your first fights like?  Tell us about your very first mma fight.  What was going through your tiny, tiny mind.

JD: I was thinking “what the hell am I doing here”?

JM: Who did you fight?

JD: A guy named Abudo Menudo.

JM: What?

JD: Yeah. He was from somewhere in Texas and it was in the Bas Rutten invitational, somewhere in Colorado.  I choked him

JM: Really.  How many fights did you have that day?

JD: I had four fights that day

JM: Four fights?  You drove to Colorado from Winnipeg and had four fights?

JD: No.  I flew to Colorado from Winnipeg.  I bought my own plane ticket and paid to enter the tournament.

JM: You paid to enter the tournament?

JD: Yeah

JM: How much?

JD: Like sixty bucks.

JM: What?  Boy, Bas Rutten’s got his sh&t together doesn’t he?

JD: Well, Bas Rutten was just brought in as a guest.  I think someone else was running the show.

JM: I see.  So, you fought a guy from Texas. 

JD: Yes

JM: Then what?

JD: Then I fought a guy named Ken Lobely from Shamrock 2000 which I believe was Ken Shamrocks’ fathers gym, and I choked him as well.  Then I fought a guy named Dennis Reed and I triangle choked him.  Then I fought Eugene Jackson and he neck cranked or choked or did something or other to me, and that was the final.

JM: Wow.  Crazy.

JD: (Joe gives the thumbs down)

JM: What’s the next question I should ask you?

JD: I dunno.  I’m going to the IFL I think

JM: Yeah?  How’d that happen?

JD: Um.  Well someone asked me to fight and my manager said it was ok, so I’m gonna fight.

JM: Wow.  You weave a compelling tale.

JD: Well, it’s pretty complicated stuff.  They say “Joe do you wanna fight” and I say “yeah, ok”.

JM: Do you know who you’re fighting?

JD: No, I don’t

JM: I heard it was supposed to be a guy from Marc Coleman’s team.

JD: Yeah.  I dunno.  I don’t care.  I just want to fight.

JM: Are the rules in IFL basically the same as in UFC?

JD: I don’t know.

JM: Well … there you go

HD: Yeah

JM: That’s cool mo dee

JD: Yeah.

JM: So where are you training these days?

JD: Well, in a few weeks I’ll be heading back to Winnipeg to train with Guiseppe DeNatele and Kevin Manderson and a few other dudes to get in shape and get ready to fight.

KM: (Kevin says something)

JM: Shut up!  We’re doing an interview

JD: Shut up Kevin.

JM: Hey … you know … your buddy Kevin Manderson just entered the room.  Soon he’ll be fighting Mark Bocek.  As an expert martial artist kind of guy, what are your thoughts on that?

JD: I think it’s a good fight for Kevin.  I think Bocek has a limited arsenal of tools at his disposal.  I know he’s got very, very good submission grappling, but Kevin’s wrestling is better so Bocek is going to have trouble getting him to the floor, and Kevin’s stand up is better so … it kinda sucks for Bocek.  I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that the fight is going to go Kevin’s way.   He’s gotta fight smart and he’s gotta be alert and be at the top of his game but I think Kevin will win it and then all the people in Ontario who think their favorite fighters are better than the rest of the world are going to have to come up with some kind of excuse for why he lost.

JM: Oh!  Contraversy! 

JG: (Jeff’s girlfriend yells something about ankle socks)

JD: I love ankle socks

JM: Alright.  Well, I’ve run out of intelligent questions, so I’m going to end the interview, unless you have anything else to add

JD: (Rubs chin)

JM: What are the nine secrets to being successful in MMA?

JD: There’s only one … powerful chi

JM: Powerful Chi?  And how do you develop chi?

JD: By shaving your head.  The longer your hair grows, the weaker your chi becomes.

JM: So it’s like a reverse-Samson sort of thing?

JD: Something like that yeah.

JM: Alright.  Well, I would say that’s insightful, but I really think you’re wrong.

JD: I don’t care what you think.

Joe Doerksen will be fighting in the IFL in the near future, look for him in the IFL which is also available for free on Fox Sports net.