These days in MMA you can’t judge a show by its title.  Words like “chaos”, “inferno” and “rumble” get tossed around like a baseball in a playground when sometimes in retrospect “snooze-fest”, “snore-a-thon” and “stall-o-rama” would be more appropriate choices. Thankfully, UFC 53 “HEAVY HITTERS” lives up to its name, dishing out plenty of five-knuckle bullets courtesy of certified skull-smashers like Andrei Arlovski, Rich Franklin, Paul Buentello, David Loiseau, Nick Diaz and Nate Quarry.  Even fighters known primarily for their grappling skills get in the cage and let the bombs fly like it’s the second hour of that awful Pearl Harbor movie starring Ben Affleck. The result?  Dudes get rocked like senior citizens at a Metallica concert, with five fights ending by KO or TKO.

 Japanese fighter Koji Oishi takes on the always-angry Nick Diaz in the first fight of the night and immediately shows a bad game-plan, standing totally square with Diaz and keeping his hands low in rock-em-sock-em robot style.  No surprise here.  Oishi gets rocked and socked. Boxing/BJJ beats Pancrase/Kung Fu by KO at 1:24 of the first round.

 “Chainsaw” Charles McCarthy manages to get Canadian David Loiseau against the cage in the opening moments of the second fight, dragging him down, mounting him and taking his back. This is all the offense McCarthy mounts. “The Crow” is able to escape and unleash a furious beating in round two, finishing “the Chainsaw” with a spinning back kick which sends McCarthy crumbling against the fence and a flying knee that will make every MMA highlight tape for years.  Two fights.  Two KO’s.

 Nate “The Rock” Quarry has some trouble dealing with the awkward striking of Shonie “Mr. International” Carter in the third bout, but quickly finds his groove and lands a series of hard elbows that force the ref to stop the fight. Carter protests the stoppage while stumbling around the ring like a drunken brain surgery patient caught in an earthquake. 

 Paul “The Headhunter” Buentello clashes with Kevin “The Shaman” Jordan for a battle of heavyweights, and fists fly throughout the opening minutes.  It becomes quickly apparent, however, that Jordan is experiencing a gas shortage.  Buentello begins to pick his shots, and eventually nails Jordan with a shot that sends him sprawling to the mat.  Moments later, a clearly exhausted Jordan taps to a one-arm guillotine which later brings Buentello the “Tapout of the night” award. 

 Next, “Ultimate Fighter” Forrest Griffin steps into the cage to test himself against hard-hitting Canadian Bill “The Butcher” Mahood, who proudly states that all fifteen of his wins have come via KO or TKO.  Sadly, this was not Mahood’s night as Griffin snags a low kick to take “The Butcher” down.  This is the beginning of the end as Griffin takes Mahood’s back and chokes him then, strangely, hugs him from the “spooning” position for several awkward seconds. 

  Rich Frankin and Evan Tanner leave it all in the cage for the sixth fight of the night, and though Tanner is able to drop Franklin in the first round, he is clearly unable to deal with Franklin’s superior striking, and doctors stop the fight in the fourth round due to a cut in his eye.  Tanner leaves the octagon in the looking like someone who’s face has swollen up due to a severe allergic reaction to fists and knees.

 Karo Parysian and Matt Serra put on one of the best fights in UFC history.  Serra is known for his submission arsenal, but drops Karo like a bag of laundry in the opening seconds.  Amazingly, Parysian finds his way back to the feet and shows that he can give as good as he gets.  As the match continues, both fighters swing for the fences and go for throws and submissions at a furious pace.  At one point in the fight, Karo gives the finger to Renzo Gracie, who is in Serra’s corner.  By the third round, Parysian has shown that it is better to give than receive punishment, and takes the rightfully earned decision over the Brazilian jiu jitsu black belt.

Finally, the heavyweight belt is on the line as Andrei Arlovski goes toe to toe with Justin Eilers.  As is usually the case, various fighters give their opinions going into the match and virtually nobody thinks Eilers stands a chance although Joe Rogan does compare Eilers’ head to a fire hydrant.  Popular opinion turns out to be correct and Arlovski lays waste to Eilers in the first round.

 UFC DVDs never skimp on the special features, but UFC 53 goes one step further, showing every fighter pre-fight and post-fight.  If you’re interested in how top-level fighters psych themselves up and handle pre-fight jitters, this is the DVD for you.  Also, it’s kind of neat to see famous fighters talking strategy and then seeing them try to apply it in the cage.

 My only complaint about UFC 53 is that they gave the “Tapout of the night” award to Paul Buentello when it rightfully should’ve been given to Forrest Griffin, who genuinely took down a game fighter and forced the submission.  Also, they edited out the part of the Pay Per View where, during his walk to the octagon, Shonie Carter climbs up onto on a folding chair, only to fall off and spill his drink on himself.  That was a high point of the event for me.

 Overall the DVD is well worth owning with many re-watchable fights and plenty of behind the scenes footage that really draw you into the event.  UFC 53 “HEAVY HITTERS” whacks you in the brain and leaves a lasting hematoma of entertainment.