When I heard several months ago that Tito Ortiz, Chuck Liddell, and Randy Couture were to have small bit parts in a feature length film with international star Jet Li, I was pleasantly surprised. At long last, a few stars from the world of MMA would be getting a small modicum of recognition by the masses. The masses that swarm to see ridiculous action movies that have the same chance of winning Oscars as I have of winning Bikini contests. As a fan of MMA, I like every other fan, want the stars of our sport to become viable celebrities to the masses, that in itself would be the surest sign that our beloved sport was growing into something beyond what can now only be called a niche market.

Now before I go any further, I would like to say this a review of a film by an MMA journalist. I am by no means a connoisseur of movies like Roger Ebert and I don’t pretend to be, but I do love movies and I have seen my fair share of flicks over the years. I am up to date with the newer movies and being of Asian decent (Korean to be exact), has familiarized me with Jet Li many years before his big American debut in Lethal Weapon 4. DMX on the other hand, I had heard of only in passing. I must confess that the first time I heard the name “DMX”, the first thing that popped in my mind was “Isn’t that a brand of pedal bike?” Alas the bike in question was BMX, not DMX, and yet I still don’t think I could distinguish a DMX song from a N Sync song to save my autographed life sized Randy Couture poster. All that aside let’s get to the movie!

Su played by Jet Li, is a Taiwanese intelligence officer that has come over to America to recover valuable black diamonds that were stolen from Taiwan. Fait (played by DMX) is a jewel thief that steals the diamonds, not knowing what the diamonds are, or what they are worth. A twist here and a slip there in the storyline leaves Fait’s daughter in the clutches of the "Evil Asian Gang", forcing the Taiwanese intelligence officer (Jet Li) and a thief (BMX, uh.... DMX) to unite in an "UNLIKELY" partnership, (cough...cough...). The union takes them on a fantastical run to recover the stolen diamonds, and the stolen daughter in one fell swoop. So begins our adventure, and an explosive adventure it is, with tanks crushing cars and guns a-blazing, at one point the adventure leads them into an underground fight club that has screaming, bloodthirsty fans betting on prize fighters that are duking it out in the cage. ( Isn’t that the image that the sport of MMA has been trying to get away from?) Lo and behold Chuck Liddell, Tito Ortiz and Randy Couture are there! All 3 have small parts in the film playing (Surprise) prize fighters lighting it up in the cage! There is even a short but sweet fight sequence with Tito Ortiz fighting Chuck Liddell in the Cage (I won’t tell who wins in the Movie) and a fight with Tito Ortiz taking on the man himself Su (Jet Li), I don’t need to tell you who wins this fight,…it is a Hollywood movie and Jet Li is the star.

The film itself is a fairly brisk 100 minutes in length and for the most part it moves along at a good pace, but there really is nothing that we haven’t seen before. The characters are not fleshed out at all, and we really don’t care too much about them in the end. The “unlikely” partnership between opposites (Cop and Thief) has “been there, done that” written all over it, and stereotypes abound. The token “funny fat black guy” is played with the usual flair by Anthony Anderson, [who was also in “Romeo Must Die", another action film with Jet Li and director Adrzej Bartkowiack], and voices such memorable lines as “You win some, and Dim Sum you lose.” He also belts out lines that would have looked at home in classic movies like Citizen Kane. One such line takes place as he is trying to seduce a gay Security officer, and says “My name is Tommy, but you can call me Rachel…I am big in the pants... I can almost tie it in a knot", classy stuff to be sure. His Caucasian counterpart is played with an equal measure of zeal, by Hollywood’s best funny, fat white guy sidekick, Tom Arnold. (If Tom Arnold doesn’t have his funny fat guy thing down pat by now, he should quit his acting career and go be a comic sidekick host on a sports show somewhere....)

The usual suspects are all in tow, but one thing that bothered me in the movie was the fact that the film used the words Taiwanese and Chinese interchangeably when they are two separate countries, and like anyone else, don’t like being called what they are not. Another gripe was that some of the actors that played the parts of Chinese, Mandarin, Korean, or Japanese characters were clearly not native speakers of their respective languages. The Heel in the movie Mark Dacascos is supposed to be Taiwanese, but any Taiwanese would tell you that judging by his pronunciation he is obviously not a native speaker of Mandarin, which is the most common language spoken in Taiwan. His Mandarin speaking parts in the movie were atrocious and almost insulting. I guess it is a small gripe but it really hurts the believability of the characters when he is supposed to be from Taiwan and he can’t pronounce most of the words properly. In the scheme of things they are two small nit picks but nonetheless something I felt was worth mentioning.

If you are a fan of the mindless action, then you could do worse then see Cradle 2 the Grave. The prerequisite car chases, gun fights, scantily clad women, and of course fisticuffs were all in full force and there for the looking. Not a bad debut by the all three fighters themselves, though the scowls on their faces looked a little too well…. “scowly”…. If you will. All things considered, The "Sushiboy" would have to give this film two and a half Tuna fish short of a full can of five, not the worst movie that I have ever seen but certainly not in any danger of taking home any Oscars at the annual bash come Academy Awards time. If anything, go to the movie to see Randy Couture Call Jet Li a "Chicken Shit" and watch Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz battle each other in the Cage on the silver screen. Lord knows that with the way things are going with Chuck and Tito right now, the REAL fight may not happen in the REAL Octagon for a long, long time.

For MMAringreport this was "The Sushiboy" Arnold Lim
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