This Saturday, Pride invades American soil with its first show ever in North America.  As a possible tribute to the UFC, Pride officials have decided that their main event will be a re-match where everyone knows what’s going to happen, except maybe Ken Shamrock. Still with five former UFC champions on the fight card, Pride: The Real Deal promises to be the best thing to hit town since CSI: Las Vegas.  

Fedor Emelianenko vs. Mark Coleman

Mark Coleman won his last Pride fight when “Shogun” fell down and broke his own arm.  It was a freak accident, but Coleman reacted like he’d won the lottery which, essentially, he had, since his victory was mostly due to sheer dumb luck.  I wonder if he would have reacted the same way if Rua had fallen and broken his arm while climbing into the ring.  Maybe.  It’s probably hard to hide your joy when, instead of a series of murderous kicks in the head, you get big fat load of cash.  Nevertheless, there’s something very not right about leaping around over an injured opponent like a howler monkey full of crystal meth.  Now Coleman pays his debt to Ye Olde Gods of Fate.  Fedor wins by KO, round one.

Mauricio "Shogun" Rua vs. Kevin Randleman

As aforementioned, “Shogun” would like nothing better than to avenge his “loss” to Mark Coleman who - following their fateful match – danced around his broken body while ring doctors and Chute Boxe team mates stormed the ring, attempting to attend to him.  Rua may take some comfort in the fact that, during the ensuing riot, Vanderlei Silva was able to tackle Coleman to the ground and kick him several times in the face. Nonetheless, he would undoubtedly prefer to vindicate himself in person.  First, however, he must get by Coleman’s team mate, “The Monster” Kevin Randleman who, as I have said many times before, is as crazy as a bag of cats.   I once wrote that Randleman is so unpredictable, it is impossible for anyone, including him, to tell what he might do.   He might go out to buy socks and come home driving a school bus full of crying children.  That is still just as true as the day I wrote it.  What happens here?  Anything is possible with Randleman, but I’m betting “Shogun” wins; however unlikely it seems, by submission.   

Josh Barnett vs Pawel Nastula

I sometimes wonder if the guys at DSE understand that Judo and MMA are actually very different sports.  They don’t seem to get it.  If DSE ran the Olympics, there would be judo guys in every sport, and probably wrestlers too, running around throwing javelins on the baseball field and running onto the basketball court with a kayak paddle in one hand and a target-shooting pistol in the other, all the while shouting “When is the bobsled event?”. It would be chaos, but wildly entertaining, which is probably the point.  Barnett by TKO.

Butterbean vs. Sean O’ Haire

Sean O’Haire is from the WWE.  Butterbean is from boxing.  Now they meet for an MMA match.  This is sort of like a French chef and a Sushi expert seeing who can make better pizza.  My guess: Butterbean by KO, unless O’Haire hits him with a steel chair when the ref isn’t looking.

Dan Henderson vs. Vitor Belfort

I swear I will pimp slap the next person who mentions Belforts’ win over Vanderlei Silva.  That was eight years ago and Belfort has changed a lot since then.  Henderson by TKO.

Kazuhiro Nakamura vs Travis Galbraith

Originally, KazNak was supposed to fight Marvin Eastman, but due to “legal” reasons with the WFA, Eastman had to back out. His replacement is Canuck, Travis Galbraith. As a fellow Canadian, I am rooting for Galbraith.  However, as a semi-intelligent dude who’s seen KazNak beat guys like Kevin Randleman and Igor Vovchanchum, I know there’s a greater likelihood of finding a live wolverine in a box of cereal than there is in seeing Galbraith win this.  KazNak by submission.

Joey "Dreamsmasher" Villasenor vs. "Ruthless" Robbie Lawler.

Lawler gives most of his opponents the kind of awful clubbing that is normally reserved for baby seals, but sometimes he comes into fights looking as depressed as someone who has just come home to find their house on fire and their wife standing naked in the front yard with another guy.  I’m guessing he’ll win this one.  Side note: Exactly how do you smash someone’s dreams?  I had a dream the other day that I was in a tricycle race against a giant penguin.  How do you smash that?   Lawler by TKO.

Phil Baroni vs. Yosuke Nishijima

Baroni is always complaining that his opponents won’t stand and trade punches with him.  Now he’s facing Nishijima, who stood and exchanged punches with Mark Hunt.  Baroni must have an erection that could knock down a house.  My guess: be careful what you wish for.  Nishijima by KO.