To the untrained eye, the card for the Welterweight Grand Prix looks like typical Pride match-making; where seasoned veterans are fed relative rookies, and the results, while wickedly entertaining, are rather predictable.  A more experienced pugilistic prognosticator, however, sees an infinite variety of chilling possibilities, ominous repercussions and dramatic upsets.   Much like the time your dog drank that bottle of wine, it is difficult to know what terrible results to expect.

Denis Kang vs Murilo Rua

Kang dishes out more pain than a French bakery.  Will Murilo Rua join the Broken Ninja club?  (Founder: Scott Morris).  Maybe.   Whoever has better cardio will win.    I suspect that will be Kang – as long as he can avoid the flying gym-kata of ninja.

Makoto Takimoto vs Gegard Mousasi 

Mousasi is one of the toughest guys in Armenia.  That means a lot considering their national sport is watching children fight wild dogs for scraps of meat.  I hear that in Eastern Europe they pay fighters with beets and Jordache Jeans.  Will Takimoto get kicked to death Armenian-food-riot-style?  No.  The gentle art will prevail by choke.

Ryo Chonan vs Joey Villasenor

Henderson and Baroni both gave Chonan a night in the intensive care unit of of the “you just got your ass kicked” Hotel (complimentary morphine breakfast).  Will this be another rough night of dental exams and skull-glue?  No.  Villasenor is good, but “The Piranha” is a big step up the fight-food-chain.  Chonan will win a split decision.   

Akihiro Gono vs Hector Lombard.

Gono has been fighting since Bas Rutten had a full, flowing head of hair.  That’s a long time ago.  Lombard calls himself the “King of Cuban Judo”.   Will he wear his judo gi?  Will it smell of rich, thick cigar smoke?  Either way, Gono will win by KO.

Phil Baroni vs Kazuo Misaki

Misaki lost a decision to Dan Henderson, which means he lasted fourteen minutes longer than everyone else in Japan.   Baroni has made a whole new career out of beating up Japanese opponents.  Will Misaki be next?  No.  Unlike Kondo and Ryo Chonan, Misaki has the sense to take Baroni down and choke the piss out of him. 

Murilo Bustamante vs. Amar Suloev

This will look like the time my grade 10 Spanish teacher got into a fight with the high-school janitor.  It was vaguely reminiscent of watching Julio Iglasias fight a Neanderthal.  I have never seen such bloodshed over a simple request to borrow someone’s mop.  We all learned a valuable lesson that day.  Bustamante by sub.
 
Paulo Filho vs Dong Sik Yoon

This fight is not actually happening because Dong Sik Yoon came to his senses. 

Hayato Sakurai faces Olaf Alfonso
Sakurai placed 2nd in the Pride lightweight tournament.  Olaf, from what I know, does not train and lives in the forrest.  I am not kidding.  Sakurai by submission.

Tatsuya Kawajiri meets Charles Bennett
Kawajiri is the world lightweight Shooto champion.  Bennett has gold teeth and once tore apart a large Snoopy doll.  My cat “Waffles” could pick this one. Kawajiri by sub.

Mitsuhiro Ishida grapples with Marcus Aurelio
Aurelio just beat the #1 lightweight in the world, now he fights the guy ranked #10.  That’s like winning the national spelling bee championships and then playing scrabble with your dyslexic cousin.  Okay, it’s not that easy, but come on.  Maximus by sub.

Jason Black meets Eoh Won Jin.
Don’t you hate it when your elbow spontaneously dislocates?  Jason Black does.  If it weren’t for that, he’d have a perfect record.  Barring another freaky joint dislocation, Black will win easily despite the fact that Eoh Won Jin would make a cool name for a Jedi master.